Amidst the many pressing world crises, my thoughts go to the insidious War on Cursive, which threatens to undermine Western civilization.

Two years ago, Indiana made teaching cursive writing optional, instead encouraging students to learn the arcane skill of “typewriting.” But vigilant state senators have approved a bill to require that students be taught cursive writing. And thus shall be preserved our way of life.

I agree with teaching cursive writing, based on scientific studies which show that that’s what I was taught. Not that I’m any good at it–just look at how I scribble my name with a stylus on those credit card thingies in the checkout line. But I’m aware of the concept of cursive writing, and I use it extensively every time I sign my name. And no other time, come to think of it.

It’s like mandating that kids be taught to change the oil, or speak French, or write haiku, or churn butter–things you’ll rarely need to do, but which older folks had to learn when they were in school, so they think it’s a Vital Life Skill.

Indiana, while mandating cursive writing, also dropped license and educational requirements for school superintendents. The intent is to give school districts the flexibility to hire “nontraditional candidates” as school superintendents. Meaning, “persons who are not trained to be educators, but whose uncle is the mayor.”