A Japanese company makes a mobile phone with a “Safety” mode. If you try to use the phone while walking, you get an error message: “Using your smartphone while walking is dangerous. The phone senses you are walking. Please stop.” Of course, you don’t need to activate “Safety” mode. But still, it’s a good idea. The march of progress.
Today, class, we’ll talk about unnecessary words.
If your sentence begins with “Needless to say…”, the whole sentence is apparently unnecessary. Why say it? If the information is NOT needless, then chop off the “needless to say” part.
Consider this sentence:
“I am sending you a check for the total amount of $300.00.”
Depending on how much info is necessary, you could boil it all the way down to, “I’m sending $300.”
The shorter the better…and the clearer.
Consider how to shorten this puffy sentence, which exemplifies what is far too common in the workplace:
“We wish to bring to your attention the fact that the meeting will be held next Thursday.”
You are correct. All you need is, “The meeting will be held next Thursday.”
That’s all for today. Be tight, be clear. Axe the needless.
This is probably the coolest Christmas present I ever got. The Johnny Seven OMA (One Man Army). My cousins Mike and Brad got one just like it.
Thank you, Grandpa and Grandma Welker. We had lots of fun destroying imaginary foes and tormenting our younger cousins.
People often mistake the United Brethren for one of the “peace” churches, like the Church of the Brethren or the Brethren in Christ. Uh, that’s not us.
A couple weeks ago I told about the heavy box-cutter which I inadvertently left in my carry-on bag during a trip to Miami, and which TSA didn’t notice.
I mentioned this experience in an Amazon review of the box-cutter, concluding, “So thank you, Husky utility knife, for whatever you did to stay incognito!”
Today I got an email from Amazon saying, “A customer just told us your review was helpful to them while shopping on Amazon.”
I’m wondering if somebody should be concerned about that.
Treat yourself to some popcorn…trivia.
Code Nazis alive and well in Florida. A couple dug up their frontyard garden, which they’ve tended for 17 years, after a new zoning ordinance specifically prohibited vegetables from appearing in front yards. Just vegetables. Fruit, trees, and pink flamingoes are still okay. The fine would have been $50 per day.
Today, class, we’ll talk about passive vs. active verbs.
Passive verbs are forms of “to be.” Examples: is, are, was, were, have, had, will. They contain no action.
Good writers prefer active verbs. It’s a tell-tale sign. They still use passive verbs, but the balance tilts heavily toward active verbs.
(I do remember editing freelance manuscripts by writers who had probably just learned this principle, and used active verbs exclusively. Their writing sounded unnatural. It’s fine to use passive verbs in moderation.)
A strong, active verb not only imparts action, but can make modifiers and phrases unnecessary. You show more action with fewer words, and create better pictures in the reader’s mind.
Two examples:
The pastor was in a hurry during his sermon.
The pastor rushed through his sermon.Dan was walking slowly across the room.
Dan sauntered across the room.
You are dismissed. Or: I hereby dismiss you.
Today, class, let’s consider a way to view punctuation.
Early in my career, I was taught to think of some punctuation in terms of pauses. Punctuation is a tool with many uses. But the pause thing imparts rhythm, helping the reader know how you want the piece to be read.
Formal, technical, or in-depth publications tend to use more punctuation, especially commas. The New Yorker, academic journals–you spend some time chewing on those articles. Commas, semi-colons, and periods not only help separate key thoughts, but let you pause to catch your breath.
On the other hand, a high-end business newsletter targeted to busy executives will use short, emphatic sentences with minimal punctuation. Likewise with ads. That way, readers can skim the content without being slowed down by a bunch of pauses.
There are many nuances and exceptions, but it’s generally applicable (as I’ve experienced during the past 30 years).
Class dismissed. Which requires a period.
The new World Trade Center claims to be the tallest US building, at 1776 feet. That makes it 300 feet taller than the Willis Tower (formerly Sears Tower) in Chicago. But the last 400 feet is a metal spire. Should that count?
No, say people who insist Chicago should retain the Tallest Building title. The glass observation deck on the Willis Tower is higher than the top floor of One World Trade Center.
I agree. A spire, even if it’s an integral part of the design (as opposed to an antenna) is cheating. Chicago remains Number 1. What say ye?
Today, class, let’s talk about commas in a series. Should you use a comma after the second-to-last element, or not?
Correct: The flag was red, white, and blue.
Correct: The flag was red, white and blue.
Incorrect: Telling people that one way or the other is the only correct way.
I, personally, always use the comma. But it’s purely personal preference. Nothing right or wrong about it (unless your job or college teacher requires adherence to a particular stylebook).
However, exceptions can be made to more clearly communicate information:
Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you die.
On that cheerful, biblical, and hedonistic note–class dismissed.
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Copyright © 2013 Steve Dennie | All rights reserved
