Coolest Wedding Procession Ever
You’ve gotta watch this Youtube video. It’s from a wedding in Minnesota. It’ll definitely make you smile. They got very creative with the procession. (Thanks, Evan McBroom, for finding this.)
Poems I Remember, but Shouldn’t
In books and movies, fictional people often have a tremendous grasp of obscure poems. Someone will say one line, and another character will say, “That was Keats.”
This, of course, never happens in real life. But I do remember sitting at a meal with my grandparents, out on the farm, many years ago. I don’t know what brought it up, but the end result is that grandpa, a life-long farmer with no higher education, was quoting poetry he learned decades ago in school. Good, pretty, worthwhile poetry.
I, with my advanced degrees, am far less sophisticated. Here is one of the only poems I can recite, a poem I learned as a teenager:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Some poems rhyme,
This one doesn’t.
Now admit it: that’s funny. It’s not Emerson or Frost, but at least I remember it. And now you are the beneficiary.
Oh, then there are the gross Little Willy jokes. Growing up, we had a children’s book in our home with some Little Willy jokes. I don’t know what kind of demented children’s book editor thought they belonged, but hey, there they were for this impressionable elementary-age kid. And I can still remember several of them.
Willy with a taste for Gore,
Nailed his sister to the door.
Mother said with humor quaint,
“Now Willy, don’t scratch the paint.”Willy threw his sister Nell,
Down into the drinking well.
She’s still there because it kilt her.
Now we have to buy a filter.
Willie saw some dynamite,
Couldn’t understand it quite;
Curiosity never pays:
It rained Willie seven days.
And that, folks, is why reading RandomPokes and being exposed to my cranial leakages holds such socially redeeming value.
Grandma Setting Up Her Digital TV
This is great–a Youtube video of grandma trying to set up her digital TV. (Sorry, they disabled the feature for embedding the video in blogs, so you have to go to Youtube. But it’s worth it.)
The Marvels of Toothpaste Tubes
I have a theory about toothpaste tubes. Behold the Crest tube I hold in my hands above. It has looked just like this, flat, used-up, for nigh unto, oh, must be at least two months. During that time, I’ve continued, on a daily basis, squeezing out enough toothpaste to accomplish my dental care mission. Every morning I think, “Today, there will be no more. It’s empty.” And yet, just enough squeezes out onto the toothbrush to, for yet another day, fight tooth decay and impart minty breath.
For at least 90% of its life, a toothpaste tube looks just like this. Yet, amazingly, as a result of secret technological innovations in high-security Proctor & Gamble labs, it continues to function usefully week after week. Somehow, a high proportion of the toothpaste remains even when the tube appears to be spent. This may, in fact, be a conspiracy to prompt gullible buyers into springing for a new tube, not realizing that they have only begun to mine the depths of flavorful goo contained therein.
It is much like that widow in Sidon, told about in Judges, whose jar of flour and jug of oil never ran empty. Or like the loaves and fishes. Except those were actual miracles, whereas Crest merely uses some clever engineering ploy.
But know this: even though the tube looks empty, it’s cleansing action will yet remain with you for weeks or months as you continue on your daily oral hygiene rituals.
Sometimes, It’s Hard to Look Macho
With the G20 meeting going on, I find it suitable to resurrect this precious photo from a previous gathering of world leaders. It always cracks me up. This was from the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation Forum which met in Hanoi in 2006. They take a group photo, and everyone wears attire from the host country. So here we have two macho men, leaders of very powerful countries, trying real hard to cling to any semblance of manhood. The Vietnamese obviously have a sense of humor.
I think the G20 needs a similar tradition. I would like to see them meet in Switzerland or Austria, so that for the group photo, everyone could don lederhosen. I think that would be great. And…isn’t Photoshop a wonderful thing?
They’re actually meeting in England. I don’t know what that means in terms of attire. Will they all insert Austin Power-style teeth? A red jacket? A white barrister wig? Maybe go for the Amy Winehouse look?
In Support of Hunters
I’m concerned about America’s hunters. As the National Rifle Association has argued over the years, hunters need assault rifles for their dogged pursuit of Bambi & Friends. But now, we’re told, Mexico’s drug cartels are attending our gun show, buying up all the AK-47s, and taking them back to Mexico. In accordance with supply and demand, the cost of assault rifles is undoubtedly skyrocketing. And America’s innocent hunters are being left in the lurch. I’m not sure exactly where the lurch is, but I’m told it’s none too pleasant.
This jeopardizes an American coming-of-age tradition. When little Johnny becomes old enough to buy his first hunting license and strike out into the woods in pursuit of deer, ducks, or the occasional squirrel, he first must acquire a gun. For that, Dad takes him to a gun shop, or perhaps a gun show. And as we all know, every hunter’s rifle of choice is the AK-47, which liberals want to deprive us of. But now, with the cost so high because of the high demand, Johnny can’t able to afford an AK-47 on his meager newspaper route savings. And he goes away disappointed, crying.
It’s a sad story no doubt being played out across the country. Please, Mr. Obama, stop the drug cartels, so that AK-47s can remain in the hands of Americans.
