The second 007 movie, “From Russia With Love,” was shown in the White House theater on November 21, 1963, when the president was in Fort Worth, Texas. The next day, in Dallas, Kennedy was assassinated. Sounds ominous. Yet, despite applying my substantial analytical powers, I find no significance to it. Nevertheless–I report, you decide.

More Things Jesus Never Said: “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor.” Pause. “Had you going there, didn’t I? I’m only joshin’. You earned it, it’s yours. Who am I to tell you what to do with your money?” (Matthew 19:21)

We’ve all heard the probability comparisons: “You’re more likely to die of a flesh-eating bacteria than you are to win the lottery.” A friend of mine wrote that you’re more likely to get struck by lightning while being bitten by a shark on a leap year, than to win the lottery. This morning I read that you’re more likely to be killed by a falling vending machine than to win the lottery (it happens to two persons every year.)

Have these been statistically verified? Are Snopes and Factcheck.org on the ball here?

I suspect not. In which case, we are all free to make up our own incredible odds. For instance (and this may sound more-than-vaguely like a Jeff Foxworthy routine):

• You’re more likely to watch the Chicago Cubs play in the World Series…than you are to win the lottery.
• You’re more likely to meet an American teenager who can find Botswana on a map…than you are to win the lottery.
• You’re more likely to watch Michael Moore hosting a primetime show on FoxNews…than you are to win the lottery.
• You’re more likely to spot a gay black woman in the crowd at a Republican convention…than you are to win the lottery.
• You’re more likely to buy a piece of clothing made in the United States…than you are to win the lottery.
• You’re more likely to see Chuck Schumer avoid a television camera…than you are to win the lottery.
• You’re more likely to see Microsoft invent something totally on its own…than you are to win the lottery.
• You’re more likely to see Stephen Colbert break character…than you are to win the lottery.
• You’re more likely to hear Rush Limbaugh praise Barack Obama…than you are to win the lottery.
• You’re more likely to go through an entire church service without singing a Chris Tomlin song…than you are to win the lottery.
• You’re more likely to see Michael Vick go an entire season without getting injured…than you are to win the lottery.
• You’re more likely to hear Donald Trump admit to being pompous and severely over-rated…than you are to win the lottery.
• You’re more likely to receive a deduction in your cable bill…than you are to win the lottery.
• You’re more likely to here Rob Bell described as “too traditional”…than you are to win the lottery.
• You’re more likely to see Bill Belichick crack a smile…than you are to win the lottery.
• You’re more likely to see a zombie movie win an Oscar…than you are to win the lottery.
• You’re more likely to find a Walmart employee receiving full benefits…than you are to win the lottery.
• You’re more likely to see the Post Office end the year in the black…than you are to win the lottery.

I saw this sign posted outside of an Office Depot store. I took it as a warning. I thought maybe the store was under quarantine and I should stay away.

This Saturday Night Live skit, from last week (Oct 13, 2012) was hysterical. Has some real truth about the way Americans complain about petty things. Wait for the “diabetes” line. It busted me up.

(If you get this post by email, you’ll probably need to click on the title to view the video.)