Jeanine Pirro has apparently taken on the title of Theologian in Residence at FoxNews. She declared that by moving the US embassy to Jerusalem, Donald Trump has fulfilled Bible prophecy.

It relates to Cyrus, king of Persia, who said Jerusalem should be inhabited, and formed a caravan of Jewish captives to go rebuild Jerusalem. Cyrus, according to God, had not acknowledged God (whereas Donald Trump, according to James Dobson, is a born-again Christian), and he commanded Cyrus to assemble “fugitives from the nations,” to open doors, and not shut gates (which is not in tune with Trump immigration policy). However, Theologian Pirro looks past those trivialities and sees Trump as a 21st Century version of the pagan king Cyrus.

Jerusalem actually became the capital of Israel in 1948. But THAT apparently didn’t fulfill Scripture. As American Exceptionalists know, nothing counts until the United States says it counts. Now that the US has endorsed Jerusalem as the capital, Scripture is fulfilled. Finally.

Growing up in the 1970s, I read “The Late Great Planet Earth” and other prophecy books. They all mentioned the Fig Tree prophecy from Matthew 24. As interpreted by Hal Lindsey and friends, Jesus was saying that when the nation of Israel is re-established, “this generation shall not pass” until Jesus returns. Lindsey said a biblical generation was 40 years. Therefore, Christ would return within 40 years of 1948, when Israel was re-established.

It obviously didn’t happen by 1988. Why? Well, thanks to Jeanine Pirro, we now know. Although Jerusalem became the capital in 1948, the United States hadn’t acknowledged it. Scripture is clear that the approval of the United States is needed, a fact Hal Lindsey, who lacks Jeanine Pirro’s theological credentials, conveniently chose to ignore.

So now, thanks to Donald Trump, we can finally start the clock. Within 40 years of May 2018, Christ will return. You can count on it.

I received a “Gun Owner’s Action Survey” from the NRA. They, of course, don’t care about my opinions. It’s a fundraising piece and part of a membership drive, as betrayed by the final question, “Will you fight for your freedom by joining NRA today?” But the survey’s ridiculously slanted questions gave me good laugh. Here are two of them:

• “Should Congress and the states eliminate so-called ‘gun free zones’ and leave innocent citizens defenseless against terrorists and violent criminals?”
• “Do you oppose any United Nations treaty that strips the US of its sovereignty and gives UN diplomats the power to regulate every rifle, pistol, and shotgun you own?” (There are gullible people who think President Obama actually advocated this. I feel sorry for them.)

Of course, anti-gun groups play the same survey game. I can envision questions like this:

• “Do you oppose letting mentally disturbed people, dressed in camo and wearing bullet-proof vests, carry sniper rifles and high-capacity machine guns into daycare centers, grade school music recitals, and church prayer meetings?”
• “Do you oppose NRA-backed ‘stand your ground’ laws which make it perfectly legal for somebody to blow your head off if they feel offended by something you say?”

I hate to spoil every time travel movie you’ve ever seen, but your misconceptions must be corrected. For the sake of science.

When Michael J. Fox goes back in time in “Back to the Future,” he goes back to the exact same location. Just like what happens in every other time-travel movie. But the thing is, it’s NOT the exact same location. The earth, in its journey around the sun, was not in the same location in 1955 that it was in 1985. It fact, it was millions of miles away the earth’s orbit covers nearly 600 million miles).

So rather than find himself outside the Hill Valley courthouse in 1955 (or 1885 or 2015, depending on the movie), Marty McFly would actually find himself in outer space gasping for air.

This, of course, applies to the Terminator movies, Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, miscellaneous Star Trek movies and TV episodes, and the entire “Time Tunnel” TV show from my childhood.

Whether you go back or forward in time, you’ll end up somewhere in the dead of space. So when somebody invites you to take a ride in their time machine, I advise caution. Just my opinion.

I read an alarming statistic: of America’s 67 billionaires, only 10 are women. Clearly, sexism reigns among the One Percent. I believe this calls for affirmative action. Women billionaires should receive a substantial rebate on their taxes, until such time as the numbers even out. For those who are already not paying anything in taxes, like other billionaires, they should get a tax-free subsidy to, I don’t know, buy another Lear Jet or Mediterranean island. We must fight to end this disparity.