Well, bummer. Churches are fleeing the part of the city where my church exists. It’s not that there are fewer people in our area. No, these churches just want to make their future in a different part of town. A “better” part, perhaps.

First it was Abundant Life Tabernacle, which wants to buy First Assembly’s building on the north side of town (while First Assembly moves to the old Calvary Temple building). Just heard about that on Sunday. St. Francis University, right across the street from Abundant Life, will buy that property. So that’s one major church exiting our neighborhood.

Tonight I heard that the Wesleyan church, just down the street from us, plans to relocate to the suburbs. The good ol’ suburbs. That’s where it’s at. Forget about all those people living in the inner parts of the city. Sure, they need Christ. But do they have money? No. You can’t build a church on poor people. You need bucks. And the suburbs is where you find bucks. Lawyers, doctors, businessmen–they’re in the suburbs. Those people deep in the city–they’re just a bunch of uneducated, high-maintenance losers. God doesn’t care about them nearly as much as he does the people in the suburbs with nicely-groomed yards.

Yeah, I’m ticked. I’m sure there are all kinds of places like our neighborhood throughout the city. But does anybody think of planting a church in places like that? Not usually. No, you plant a church in the fast-growing suburbs, so you can cherry-pick the middle and upper-middle classes, and maybe land a truly rich person or two. That’s what my denomination has done for about as long as I’ve been around–go to the suburbs–and it seems to be everybody else’s strategy, too. When denominations talk about planting churches in major cities, what they really mean is plant churches in the suburbs. But there’s a whole lot more to cities than rich suburbs. Sure, maybe they plan to have a “mission outreach” into poorer neighborhoods. But to base yourself there? No way.

I’m sure Jesus would go straight to the suburbs, so he could hob-nob with rich people. Forget about the poor and needy. Let them drive to the suburbs. Oh, they don’t have a vehicle? Well, maybe they can take the bus. (Okay, Steve, take a breath, chill.)