Last night, New Year’s Eve, Pam and I volunteered to watch Connor while Allen and Carolyn used movie passes to go see “Eragon” at the Rave Cinemas. They said it was very good, BTW.

Pam and I were, of course, taking a risk, at least for us. Watching a baby for several hours is not only out of our comfort zone, it’s out of our time zone. Fortunately, Connor just slept and slept for the longest time, peaceful and serene. It was easy. Molly laid down on the floor with him, next to his blanket. It was very cute.

Then he woke up. And the crying started. Crying escalated to bellowing, then nigh unto screaming. I can write books, design websites, play piano by ear. Figure out how to get a baby to stop crying? With that, I’m clueless. I walked him around, did the bob-and-weave thing, tried the rocking chair (which Carolyn expressly recommended before leaving), and talked nonsense. Nothing worked.

Perhaps his diaper needed changing? We laid him on a mat and checked, and…my goodness, that was disgusting. (Green? How’d it get green? What kind of world is this?) Pam wiped him off and attached a new diaper, and he seemed to approve.

For a few minutes. Then the crying / bellowing / screaming started again. More bob-and-weave, all in vain. The decibel level increased. And though he had been fed a bottle just two hours before, we could think of no other options. So Pam made him a bottle, with 50 seconds in the microwave.

Glory be to the Magic Bottle! It settled him right down. He approved. Hallelujah! Amazing things happened. Peace descended. The planets realigned. Lions romped with lambs. Shiites and Sunnis danced together in the streets. George Bush read a book.

And then Carolyn and Allen promptly returned, which is probably what Connor wanted all along. Not to be stuck with these two strange Not-Mommy-and-Daddy types.

Such was our little New Year’s Eve adventure. Pam and I, without actual baby-having experience, survived the evening and used our wits to prevail over the cataclysmic crises Connor was experiencing deep in his soul. We did it. Jolly good show!