We’ve all heard the probability comparisons: “You’re more likely to die of a flesh-eating bacteria than you are to win the lottery.” A friend of mine wrote that you’re more likely to get struck by lightning while being bitten by a shark on a leap year, than to win the lottery. This morning I read that you’re more likely to be killed by a falling vending machine than to win the lottery (it happens to two persons every year.)

Have these been statistically verified? Are Snopes and Factcheck.org on the ball here?

I suspect not. In which case, we are all free to make up our own incredible odds. For instance (and this may sound more-than-vaguely like a Jeff Foxworthy routine):

• You’re more likely to watch the Chicago Cubs play in the World Series…than you are to win the lottery.
• You’re more likely to meet an American teenager who can find Botswana on a map…than you are to win the lottery.
• You’re more likely to watch Michael Moore hosting a primetime show on FoxNews…than you are to win the lottery.
• You’re more likely to spot a gay black woman in the crowd at a Republican convention…than you are to win the lottery.
• You’re more likely to buy a piece of clothing made in the United States…than you are to win the lottery.
• You’re more likely to see Chuck Schumer avoid a television camera…than you are to win the lottery.
• You’re more likely to see Microsoft invent something totally on its own…than you are to win the lottery.
• You’re more likely to see Stephen Colbert break character…than you are to win the lottery.
• You’re more likely to hear Rush Limbaugh praise Barack Obama…than you are to win the lottery.
• You’re more likely to go through an entire church service without singing a Chris Tomlin song…than you are to win the lottery.
• You’re more likely to see Michael Vick go an entire season without getting injured…than you are to win the lottery.
• You’re more likely to hear Donald Trump admit to being pompous and severely over-rated…than you are to win the lottery.
• You’re more likely to receive a deduction in your cable bill…than you are to win the lottery.
• You’re more likely to here Rob Bell described as “too traditional”…than you are to win the lottery.
• You’re more likely to see Bill Belichick crack a smile…than you are to win the lottery.
• You’re more likely to see a zombie movie win an Oscar…than you are to win the lottery.
• You’re more likely to find a Walmart employee receiving full benefits…than you are to win the lottery.
• You’re more likely to see the Post Office end the year in the black…than you are to win the lottery.