As previously noted, Mom and I played “Mansion Over the Hilltop” last Sunday on our accordions. The song title comes from the King James version of John 14:2: “In my father’s house are many mansions….I go to prepare a place for you.” The American Standard Version also talks about mansions.

But Jesus told a different story to other translators:

• NIV: “In my father’s house are many rooms.”
• New American Standard: “In My Father’s house are many dwelling places.”
• The Message: “There is plenty of room for you in my Father’s home.”
• New Living: “There is more than enough room in my Father’s home.”
• CEV: “There are many rooms in my Father’s house.”

So it’s not clear if we have a mansion, or just a room in God’s mansion. But let’s assume we do have our own private mansion.

• Does it have a bathroom? Is one needed? If so, where does the waste go? And more importantly: Is there reading material?
• Is there a kitchen? Do we need to eat? (If we have a kitchen, I guess we need a bathroom.)
• Do we even need bedrooms in heaven? Do we sleep there?
• What do we put in the closets?
• What do we do in the mansion? If we don’t sleep, eat, or watch TV–why hang out there, rather than in God’s presence?
• Does each individual have a mansion, or are mansions distributed on a family basis?
• Will Pam and I share a mansion? What if I die and Pam remarries? Will both husbands occupy the mansion with her?
• Is there a garage? A yard? Curtains on windows? Skylights?
• Are there locks on the doors?
• Does each person who dies in infancy get a mansion? (Or each unborn child, assuming life begins at conception?)

If heaven is one big mansion–God’s house–and we just have a room there, then you still have to wonder: why do we need a room?

Heaven will, of course, be totally different from anything we can imagine. Even different from what Jesus could imagine? Hmmm. Jesus knew he was divine, but I’m guessing he didn’t have “memories” of heaven. He grew up as a human, subject to all those limitations. I’m sure the reality of heaven was far more fathomable to Jesus than it is to me, yet still largely unfathomable, because he–Jesus the man–hadn’t been to heaven.

I realize I could be unwittingly committing all kinds of heresies and incredibly shoddy theology. So I’m a dufus.