You’ve seen this in movies and TV shows. Someone is having a medical attack of some kind–heart, anxiety, whatever. With much over-the-top dramatic fumbling, the person finds and opens a pill bottle, tosses the pill open-palmed into his mouth, throws in some water, and swallows. Immediately swallows. And life is good.

I couldn’t do that. Probably not even if my life depended on it. I would die with the pills and water in my mouth.

I take two pills every morning. I pop them into my mouth, take a swig of water…and then wallow them around until the pills are on the verge of dissolving. Finally, after several false starts, all of my throat muscles convene a meeting and decide, “Okay, let’s do this. All together now…1, 2, 3…swallow!” And down go the pills. Or what’s left of them.

Not too many years ago, I couldn’t swallow a pill without looking in a mirror. I would set the pill on the back of my tongue, drink some water, and eventually force the thing down.

Turns out my brother Rick has the exact same malady (as was unearthed when we got together over Memorial Day). And I’m wondering how many untold millions of people, like me, suffer from the same Protracted Swallowing Syndrome? Is anybody working to solve this?