Kids are now texting in their sleep. The phone chirps (or whatever) to announce an incoming text, they respond to it–maybe sensibly, maybe with gibberish…and in the morning have no memory of it. One writer says, “It’s just like sleepwalking, except you can be really, really mean.”
Since Popes traditionally die in office, we’ve only had one infallible person on earth at a time for 700-some years. But I assume that once infallible, always infallible, even if you retire. So, with the selection of a new Pope, we’re looking at the prospect of TWO infallible persons at the same time. What if the two Popes have lunch together, and end up disagreeing about something? Can that even happen? And if it does, should they call in the President of the Mormon Church as an infallible tie-breaker?
More Things Jesus Never Said: “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor.” Pause. “Had you going there, didn’t I? I’m only joshin’. You earned it, it’s yours. Who am I to tell you what to do with your money?” (Matthew 19:21)
So once again we come to the State of the Union Address, otherwise known as the Night of Empty Promises. At least President Obama can grandstand in a much more literate manner than his predecessors. Just looking for redeeming value.
I predict:
The other day, on the way to work, I found myself behind a schoolbus which stopped at EVERY SINGLE ROAD to pick up kids–junior high and high school, by the looks. Took me forever to get out my own addition.
We’re talking entrances to culdesacs just 25 yards apart. What societal forces prevent two able-bodied kids from walking 25 yards to join the two kids from another street, so that the bus can make a single stop?
And then it hit me: It’s all a conspiracy from the oil/auto industry!
Think about it. All of those extra stops means more gas usage–more money in the pockets of Big Oil, and more money going to support terrorist sympathizers in the Middle East, Venezuela and, most insidiously, in Canada.
And then there’s the extra wear-and-tear on buses from the continuous stop-and-go. That means buses wear out more quickly–and thus, more frequent orders to Big Auto for new buses.
Wake up, America!
When I go to gun & knife shows, like I did this afternoon, I’m disgusted by the anti-Obama T-shirts, bumper stickers, etc. I guess if you’re a gun owner, you’re supposed to despise the president. I’m not in that camp–not as an American, and not as a Christian.
Here are three (out of many) T-shirts I saw vendors selling today: Beavis and Butthead peeing on President Obama, one saying, “We used to hunt communists. Now we elect them president” (do they even really understand what communism is?), and one with a picture of a guy saying “Take That Obama!” while holding up the middle finger.
I wanted to tell those vendors, “I don’t care who he is. You crap on the president, you’re crapping on your country. On MY country.” That’s how I feel.
My friend Nate Edwards nailed my feelings exactly: ”
There’s “making fun of the president,” which is one thing — you know, taking his personality traits and questionable policies and bashing him with jokes grown from little seeds of truth… But then there’s “hating the president,” which includes no humor, no creativity, no respect, and no decency, and I think that’s what you’re describing. It’s like that bumper sticker I saw on the back of a truck with the Obama “O” logo encircled by a larger red circle with a line through that, and, next to it, text reading “Don’t Re-Nig in 2012.”
Really? There are a lot of things to make fun of with this guy… His apparent lack of emotion in speeches, his very questionable drone warfare policy, his big ears, the fact that he was a lawyer and a law professor (I mean… so many lawyer jokes…), and all of those would be funny because of the seed of truth. But middle fingers, Calvin peeing on the president’s logo… it’s kind of disgusting and embarrassing. I have never seen such distasteful displays against a president in my short time here on earth.”
Indeed, there is much to criticize President Obama about, and to joke and even mock about. I could give you a long list of personal beefs. But hateful ridicule? There’s no place for that.
I certainly disliked a lot of things George Bush did. But he was still my president, democratically elected by my fellow citizens (okay, maybe with some help from the Supreme Court). There were people who threw hateful ridicule at Bush, and Clinton was subjected to it throughout his presidency. It’s one thing if it comes from the general populace. It’s quite another thing–a very disturbing thing–when it comes from Christians.
It’s why I won’t let my mind be polluted by folks like Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity on the right, and Ed Schultz and Keith Olberman on the left. Garbage in, garbage out.
I love really great photography. The Atlantic website recently showed 40 photos, in very large format, from the 2013 Sony World Photography Awards, which attracted 122,000 entries from 170 countries. Many are fascinating. My favorite is the greyhound dog in a race. Also loved the shot of the city of Dubai, the giraffes running, and the forest of poplars.
Monopoly proposed five new game pieces, and let people vote for their choice via Facebook. Because Facebook users are the most discerning folks on the planet, overflowing with wisdom.
The results were announced February 4. It’s the cat, which got 31% of the vote.
But there can be only eight gamepieces, so one piece had to be retired. That fate fell to the lowly iron, whose function in contemporary society is akin to that of the butter churn.
I guess I’m not surprised that the cat won, but I expected it to be the robot. I thought the robot was very cool.
Amidst the many pressing world crises, my thoughts go to the insidious War on Cursive, which threatens to undermine Western civilization.
Two years ago, Indiana made teaching cursive writing optional, instead encouraging students to learn the arcane skill of “typewriting.” But vigilant state senators have approved a bill to require that students be taught cursive writing. And thus shall be preserved our way of life.
I agree with teaching cursive writing, based on scientific studies which show that that’s what I was taught. Not that I’m any good at it–just look at how I scribble my name with a stylus on those credit card thingies in the checkout line. But I’m aware of the concept of cursive writing, and I use it extensively every time I sign my name. And no other time, come to think of it.
It’s like mandating that kids be taught to change the oil, or speak French, or write haiku, or churn butter–things you’ll rarely need to do, but which older folks had to learn when they were in school, so they think it’s a Vital Life Skill.
Indiana, while mandating cursive writing, also dropped license and educational requirements for school superintendents. The intent is to give school districts the flexibility to hire “nontraditional candidates” as school superintendents. Meaning, “persons who are not trained to be educators, but whose uncle is the mayor.”
Yesterday at break time, for the first time in probably a couple of decades, the men outnumbered the women. It was 6-4. Two of those guys come to the office only one day a week, but still. The other men travel a lot, and frequently, I’m the only guy at the break table. So yesterday was a treat for my longsuffering self.
I have solitarily endured numerous breaktime conversations pertaining to gardening, home remedies, parenting woes, hygiene products, etc. So it was nice yesterday, with the preponderance of testosterone, for the conversation to focus on sports, with accompanying grunting, snorting, and general Neanderthalism. The women, for once, had to endure.
I hope my stereotyping doesn’t come across as sexist, though it most blatantly is. I will now continue through my day, confident that whenever I ask one of the gals for assistance, I will be met with a stony, “I’m busy. Find somebody else.”
 |
Copyright © 2013 Steve Dennie | All rights reserved
