Yearly Archives: 2009

Poems I Remember, but Shouldn’t

In books and movies, fictional people often have a tremendous grasp of obscure poems. Someone will say one line, and another character will say, “That was Keats.”

This, of course, never happens in real life. But I do remember sitting at a meal with my grandparents, out on the farm, many years ago. I don’t know what brought it up, but the end result is that grandpa, a life-long farmer with no higher education, was quoting poetry he learned decades ago in school. Good, pretty, worthwhile poetry. 

I, with my advanced degrees, am far less sophisticated. Here is one of the only poems I can recite, a poem I learned as a teenager:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Some poems rhyme,
This one doesn’t.

Now admit it: that’s funny. It’s not Emerson or Frost, but at least I remember it. And now you are the beneficiary.

Oh, then there are the gross Little Willy jokes. Growing up, we had a children’s book in our home with some Little Willy jokes. I don’t know what kind of demented children’s book editor thought they belonged, but hey, there they were for this impressionable elementary-age kid. And I can still remember several of them.

Willy with a taste for Gore,
Nailed his sister to the door.
Mother said with humor quaint,
“Now Willy, don’t scratch the paint.”

Willy threw his sister Nell,
Down into the drinking well.
She’s still there because it kilt her.
Now we have to buy a filter.

Willie saw some dynamite,
Couldn’t understand it quite;
Curiosity never pays:
It rained Willie seven days.

And that, folks, is why reading RandomPokes and being exposed to my cranial leakages holds such socially redeeming value.

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Book: The Monkey and the Fish

monkeyandthefish_130.jpgI wrote a review of David Gibbons’s book “The Monkey and the Fish” on the BishopBlog, to which I’m a contributor. It’s a book I highly recommend. Not your typical church growth book. He hits some areas that progressive evangelicals will appreciate, and that more traditional evangelicals need to become better attuned to.

Here, I want to comment on a totally minor, almost incidental part of the book.

davegibbons.jpegGibbons (left) mentions an interesting study. People were shown three pictures: a chicken, a cow, and a bale of hay. Which two pictures were more alike?

American audiences chose the chicken and cow. But Asian audiences chose the cow and hay. Why? Because they looked for relationship. Cows eat hay. They go together. 

Americans value size and categories, so the chicken and cow ended up together. They have no relationship. They just fit the same category–a farm animal. 

Now let me ask: Which of the following are more alike:

  1. A church of 2000 people.
  2. A church of 3000 people.
  3. A church of 150 people.

Most of us would say the two larger churches are more alike. But in reality, the church of 3000 and the church of 150 may be more alike–in philosophy of ministry, in setting, in constituency. Even in organizational structure, perhaps. 

Our tendency, then, is to assume that the church of 150 will eventually become–or should become–a church of 3000. Because we value size–attendance. No matter how many disclaimers we throw at it, in the end we value attendance. It’s simply invalid, in a typical American’s eyes, to think that a church of 150 can stay a church of 150, and still be healthy. Sure, that’s still large for churches in most of the rest of the world, and it was large for most of American history. But America defines how to do church, and we’ve decided that in 2009, 150 just doesn’t cut it. 

The sad truth is, your big and wealthy church in the suburbs and my small, low-income church in the city may have more in common with each other than with the early church of Acts.

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The Noose Tightens

The conservative stranglehold on the Republican Party tightens. Now Colin Powell, once a star in the party whose name regularly came up as a Presidential candidate, is persona non grata.

Rush Limbaugh said, “What Colin Powell needs to do is close the loop and become a Democrat instead of claiming to be a Republican interested in reforming the Republican Party.”

If you don’t hold the approved views, the Republicans don’t want you. I predict that John McCain and Olympia Snowe will soon be ushered to the door. And no doubt others. I guess I might as well get in line. If Powell doesn’t meet the litmus test, then I certainly don’t.

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Book: Running Blind

runningblind.jpeg Finally, a Lee Child book that disappointed me. It was still a fun read, and I learned much more about the character of Jack Reacher. But “Running Blind” lacked the action of the other three Reacher novels I read.

Plus, the ending was very unsatisfying. It was like a Raymond Chandler or Ross MacDonald book, where you’re strung along–and enjoying the ride–but not sure where things are headed. Then, in the last few pages, the hero gives a big explanation of what happened and how he pieced together various clues. 

That happened in “Running Blind.” We got to the end, and in a lengthy dialogue at the crime scene, Reacher explained how he already had things figured out, using obscure clues dropped here and there in the book. 

This type of stuff, to me, doesn’t treat the reader fairly. Everything should unfold so that the reader puts things together simultaneously with the lead character. It shouldn’t all be hidden from the reader, and then divulged neatly at the end. That’s how I feel about it.

But nothing will stop me from reading the other Jack Reacher books. He’s a tremendous character, and Lee Child keeps you engaged. I devoured “Running Blind” in a few days, all 460 pages. I just didn’t like the ending (or the relative lack of mayhem).

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Making Things Realistic for Sean Hannity

A few weeks ago, I heard Sean Hannity offer to be waterboarded “for the troops,” as a way to show that waterboarding isn’t torture. Blubbermouth Keith Olberman has hounded him about that, offering to pay out $1000 for every second that Hannity endured waterboarding.

Both of these polar-opposite idiots miss the point.

Waterboarding is not done by itself, and it’s not done on healthy people. For Sean Hannity to get the full impact of what Cheney convinced Bush to permit, this would need to happen:

Read more »

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The Handicapped White House Communications Office

Michael Scherer posted about “The White House’s Low Tech Secret.” As the world embraces social networking, those sites are off-limits to White House officials, at least from their work computers. No Twitter, no Facebook, no MySpace, etc. All blocked. So Robert Gibbs is unable to participate in, and exert influence in, these conversations.

I’m sure they’re working on bringing the 1978 Presidental Records Act into the 21st Century.

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Uh, Maybe I Should Switch Back….

Senator Specter: Welcome to the bottom of the barrel, the lowest rung of the ladder, the ground floor, the rookie room, irrelevance, powerlessness, Death Valley. Happy now?

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Good News for Farmers

Maria Bartiromo interviewed financial wiz Jim Rogers for the March 9 issue of BusinessWeek. It was a lively interview. 

  • Rogers says of Tim Geithner and Larry Summers: “These are people who think the only solution is to save their friends on Wall Street rather than to save 300 million Americans.”
  • He’s against bailouts, contending that companies–whether banks or car companies–should be allowed to go bankrupt. 

But he ended with these comments about agriculture, which I found quite interesting.

“I really think agriculture is going to be the best place to be. Agriculture’s been a horrible business for 30 years. For decades, the money shufflers, the paper shufflers, have been the captains of the universe. That is now changing. The people who produce real things [will be on top]. 

“You’re going to see stockbrokers driving taxis. The smart ones will learn to drive tractors, because they’ll be working for the farmers. It’s going to be the 29-year-old farmers who have the Lamborghinis. So you should find yourself a nice farmer and hook up with him or her, because that’s where the money’s going to be in the next couple of decades.”

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Stand by Me, Around the World

This is really cool. Notice how it almost sounds like a single performer, and yet, they incorporated people from separate recording sessions all around the world. Very seamless.

Playing For Change | Song Around The World “Stand By Me” from Concord Music Group on Vimeo.

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Boys Do This, Girls do That

1970schildrenbook.jpg

Wow, times have changed. This snapshot is from a 1970s children’s book. That surprises me, frankly. I would think more like a 1940s book. But anyway….

Click on the photo and take a look. It’ll enlarge, and with some minor squinting, you can read the print.

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